Once upon a time, I was single and I only dated men who said ridiculous things. Being sentimental, I wrote some of these things down in case I ever got too big for my proverbial britches.
“I thought you were the one, but you’re not.”
“I was on the beach, talking to God, and He told me that you’re not good enough for me.”
“You’re a goddess, and I want to shield you in my embrace.”
“I hate you, but, on the other hand, you’re a cheerleader. I’m drunk.”
“If you don't hate me too much, I’d like to see you. I'm not going to bring my gun.”
“Did you just use me to help you move? I have feelings, bitch.”
“I know you said to stay away forever, but a call from you once in the last few days would have been nice.”
“I’m taking this girl to her semi-formal, so, rain check on your birthday?”
“Oh, you wanted to go to a bar on your 21st birthday?”
“By the way, I hope you had a wonderful 24th birthday. Sorry I stood you up.”
“Maybe I’d like to be the girl in the relationship sometimes.”
“[James] and I are moving to San Francisco...to, you know, be together.”
“The whole deal with the pregnant girlfriend I never knew about was all made up.”
“You’re a gem of an individual.”
“I can’t believe you’re dumping me while I’m on the toilet.”
“You grind my hopes into dust.”
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