Jawbreaker

When I was 5, I wanted to work at T.J. Maxx - mostly because I thought cashiers kept the money. Since then, I’ve wanted to be an Olympic gymnast, “computer person,” teddy bear trainer, Hallmark card creator, librarian, lady of the manor, writer, fitness instructor, Ph.D., personal trainer, health coach, yoga teacher, and brontosaurus (in no particular order). Since the dawn of Kelly time, my career and life goals have been a moving target. Just as I hit one of those targets, I’m all, “I think I’ll train to be an astronaut today,” and everything resets to make that the newest life’s goal.

I knew a guy who passionately wished to be a hot dog when he grew up. I’m not sure if he made it, but that passion and dedication is what I feel is the essence of being sentient beings. We have a purpose, an aim, a goal – anything that keeps us moving forward and continuing to be more. More of what? Well, that depends on the day, if you’re me. But the important thing is that there is something more every time that keeps us excited and engaged and keeps life zesty.

Now, I know it’s not very Zen of me to always live in the future, especially considering that my new life’s mission is to be a yoga teacher. In fact, that’s likely to be my biggest challenge in this endeavor. It’s easy to say, “Live in the present, grasshopper,” but that leaves me…itchy. I can be 100% focused on whatever I’m working on, but progress will halt if I don’t know what comes after what I’m focusing on. It makes me feel lost…plastic-bag-in-the-windish.

Using a yoga word is almost as fun as a good SAT word, so I’m looking for upekkha in myself, where there are equal parts of me focused on now and later. I hope to someday consider myself to be a jawbreaker, where I’m forced to enjoy the current layer, but can look forward to what’s coming next.