The Fat Fitness Instructor: After Week 2

It’s the end of week 2 of my return to health, and I’m dropping weight, feeling energized, and am making the little adjustments needed to make clean eating work for me.  I still hate eggs.  The smell, taste, texture, ugh.  So I’ve modified lunchtime to not only get out of my egg rut, but to also avoid feeling overly full and like crashing after lunch.  Now, I make lunch an extended experience where I start with a piece of fruit (usually an apple) at 12:00ish.  Between 1:00 and 2:00, I’ll have light string cheese for some protein.  Between 3:00 and 4:00, also known as The Crunching Hour, it’s a bowl of dry Cheerios.  Finally, between 4:00 and dinner, I’ll have 1 ounce of raw almonds.  This way, I’m satisfied all afternoon but never over-full, and I’m getting in fruit, whole grain, and two sources of protein – dairy and nuts.

I’m an all or nothing kind of girl, so cheating isn’t really an issue for me when I’m eating healthy all the time; however, I wanted a little taste of something sweet Tuesday night – but not filling or too cheaty.  It was then that Eric tried to kill me with sugar free “candy” that’s main ingredient is sugar alcohol.  For the uninitiated, sugar alcohol is a terrible, horrible ingredient created solely to make people gassy and unfit for social contact.  He was just being nice, but he’s learned a valuable lesson.  In most cases, it’s not worth it to me to have some fake “diet” food version of a treat. When everyone talks about diet food not tasting good, they’re talking about this fake kind.  There’s no way someone could hate all fruits, vegetables, grains, nuts, and lean proteins.  Actually, productive diet food is real food that comes from nature and not a lab.  I preach this all the time, but this is the first time that I’m actually following my own professional advice and not falling into the fake food trap.

In addition to spreading out lunch and eating real food, I’ve started drinking more tea.  It’s warm, comforting, and satisfying in the way that often food can be.  Sometime eating is about comfort, so tea does the same thing for zero calories.  I’ve always been a tea person, but now I’m going through it like a champ.

I know it’s clichéd to say that this isn’t a diet, it’s just a different way of doing – but it’s true.  Whether you’re making a drastic change in your weight, or you’re just trying to find your way back to being healthy, it’s pretty hard to change your behaviors.  We all know what’s good for us – there are no secrets there.  We don’t have to change beliefs and our attitudes toward healthy food.  It’s about actually putting what we know into action.  And that’s the key to wellness.

Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover

So, I’m just sitting here, eating Cheerios from a baggie, toddler-style, and completing two year’s worth of online education in a few hours to renew my fitness instructor certification before it expires tonight.  I prefer to call it efficiency rather than procrastination.  The only other choice for renewal is retaking the initial certification test on physiology, biology, body parts, and whatnot.  I think we all know that’s not happening when I can just sit here with Cheerios and read PDFs of nonsense and take online quizzes set at a 3^rd grade reading level.  Will it really make me a more qualified instructor if I read three pages on obese fitness participants and their potential to drop out of exercise programs?  Did you know that being sedentary leads to weight gain which leads to disease and morbidity? Of course you did.  We all do. 

Forced education - like K-12, continuing education, professional training, and the safety demonstration before a flight – serves a purpose by getting us all on the same common sense page.  But what about education on the things that really matter to us? Things like ancient aliens, gypsy weddings, hillbillies, Amish people, and dealing with not knowing we’re pregnant.  Nothing sparks discussion in our household like TV shows that take the pulse of America.  We were watching TV last night, and a commercial came on for Abby and Brittany.  I heard Eric whisper, “So many questions,” as his eyes glazed over in deep thought. 

This information we learn from TV sticks with us better than anything from school.  I have been proven not to be smarter than a 5^th grader too many times for my liking. But, thanks to TV, I can consider myself essentially an expert on the paranormal because I’ve watched Ghost Hunters - domestic and international versions, Paranormal State, Ghost Bros, and Haunted Collector.  Without this televised education, I’d never be able to haughtily point out that entities feed on electromagnetic energy, like from air purifiers.  I can also put together information now, like gypsy brides are really just grown up glitz pageant girls and ancient aliens could have put the whole Amish faith system in effect when they landed during ancient times.

G.I. Joe once advised that knowing is half the battle.  Thanks to “The Learning Channel” and other cable classrooms, I’m full of knowledge and armed for whatever battle may come up.  Like trivia night at the bar. 

The Fat Fitness Instructor: After Week 1

Eggs. Eggs as far as my hungry mind’s eye can see.  High protein/low carb as a vegetarian is even more of a challenge than it is for the average Meaty Joe.  I’m a champ with fruits and vegetables - even beans and soy.  But beans have carbs, and tofu isn’t something you just throw in a pan and heat up for a snack.  In fact, tofu without any effort tastes like mucus.  Right about now, my mom would say, “Ugh, why can’t you just eat meat like a normal person? How about fish?” Eating meat “like a normal person” isn’t happening, so by day 3, I got a gigantic jug of whey protein powder and a thing of soy milk to put into smoothies.  Much better.

I’ve eaten lots of good food, and it’s been eye-opening to actually cook food.  I feel more of a connection to and responsibility for the food I’m putting in my mouth when I take the time to make it instead of getting prepared food from Wegmans.  I don’t love to cook, but I’m learning.  Also, following Jackie Warner’s advice, I’ve added nutritional supplements.

Yep, that’s a lot of pills.  And that’s only the morning ones. The supplements for the whole day are:

• Plant-Omega (Omega-3 Fish Oil substitute)
• Creatine Ethyl Ester HCL
• BCAA
• Multi-Vitamin-Mineral supplement
• CLA
• Ester-C (Vitamin C)
• Lifetime Fitness’ Lean Source

The supplements seem to be worth the effort, I feel more energetic with a higher protein diet, and working out is going just swimmingly.  I’m a fat fitness instructor, after all. 

While I’ve made progress and feel great, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows.  Eric has practically had to chain me up around Cake O’clock when all I want is a slice of red velvet.  Now, I’m like an addict in detox, and it’s comforting to know that the crazy sugar cravings will continue to lessen, and I’ll be able to find other, smarter, choices than convenient junk.

Small Rebellions

My life is defined by order.  Everything has a place, a schedule, and a packing algorithm.  Without this level of control, I would never be able to accomplish the many things that I can in a short about of time.  However, as will all efficient machines, I’ve got to let off a little steam sometimes.  This is done by way of small rebellions.  For example, I have three of Eric’s dress shirts and a pair of his pants hanging in my office closet, waiting to have buttons and a hem repaired.  Eric isn’t aware that I have absolutely no idea how to repair buttons or hems.  I considered taking them to my dear tailor Miss Joy and then not telling Eric I outsourced the job.  But that seemed dishonest.  Then I thought I’d look up tutorials online and do it myself.  Then I realized I didn’t particularly care if 3/17 of his dress shirts were out of commission for another week, and I grabbed a kombucha and watched Toddlers & Tiaras on demand.

Not only are those shirts and pants probably never going to be repaired (by me), but we’re also intentionally in violation of the homeowners association for the second year in a row.  This is, by far, the lamest form of badassery.  The first year of violations was mostly because the HOA used fancy architectural terms like “widow’s walk” that we didn’t understand.  So, we threw away the warning letter.  This year, though, it was more like, “We could fix that widows walk or…go to Norway.”  I think it’s obvious which we did. To be clear, our house isn’t falling apart and there are no cars parked on our lawn or anything.  This is the widow’s walk in question there over the front porch – apparently the ornamental balls are not regulation size and shape (It’s okay, I laughed at that sentence too). 

Sometimes, however, I rebel against my own good judgment and end up hurting myself to the point where I swear I’ll just be a rule follower and fall back in line with all the other good citizens.  I have a rather cavalier attitude toward contacts and eye care.  I wear monthly contacts for a few months, I use minimal contact solution, and I nap and often sleep with my contacts in.  A few weeks ago, I slept in my contacts. My eyes got redder and harder to see out of throughout the day.  Long story short, I damaged my left cornea.  When the eye doctor said not to wear contacts for a few weeks, I rolled my (damaged) eyes and got caught.  She threatened me with never wearing contacts again.  I have obeyed so far, but not pleasantly.  I wear my glasses when absolutely necessary, but I’m really vain.  Most of the time, I’m Mr. Magoo-ing around town without my glasses on, trying to look normal despite not being able to see a thing.  So, while I learned my lesson about eye care for now, I hope not to be taught another lesson for rebelling against glasses.

These small, mostly inconsequential, rebellions keep me (mostly) sane in my world of order and process.  Even the tamest of us need a little dose of defiance from time to time. 

The Fat Fitness Instructor

I’ve gone soft.  Not personality wise, of course - I’m ruthless.  I’m talking physically. Between work, school, social obligations, and everything in between, I’ve managed to gain weight in the last year.  You don’t have to feel sorry for me, though.  I’m naturally smaller than the average human, so I’m really saying I went from a 0-2 to a 4.  But this gain has been particularly hard for me.

I make no secret of my past with anorexia, disordered eating, EDNOS, and just abut anything in between except for bulimia, because I’m not here to ruin my teeth.  I’m more of a body image masochist than someone who makes a social statement, so I’m not trying to prove a point about feminine beauty either.  As much as I hate it, I’m a slave to that common view of feminine beauty.  Beyond all that social stuff, I’m being a terrible example to others who come to me for my fitness instruction and fitness expertise.  Not only am I studying health communication – with a focus on fitness – but I’m a certified fitness instructor as well.  After I started gaining weight, I gave up my fitness instructor position at a gym and I took a break from fitness advocacy and education.  Who wants to take advice from someone who’s going to go home and eat a piece of cake, Goldfish, and half a case of Diet Coke for dinner?

I preach wellness, strength, and inner peace through physical activity and clean eating, but I beat myself up over not following my own gospel. I’m the Dalai Drama of fitness these days, and I’m tired of being conflicted. But, now, also I’m a woman of action, and there’s no crying in weight loss.  I’m sharing my plan to get back to being a good example and back to teaching fitness classes again to help others in this situation and to have some kind of accountability to the great, vast Internet.  I’ve combined my own knowledge of fitness and nutrition with the incomparable Jackie Warner’s advice and my personal trainer’s advice to create a plan that I feel is actionable and not torture. 

Here are the basics:

Sugar bad; real food good.  If that’s not enough for you, read on.

A balanced diet fit for someone who is active must include lots of protein, a variety of produce, and complex carbs.  In between those elements come 80-100 ounces of water (100 for active people, 80 for inactive), herbal and green teas, and no more than two cups of coffee.  Every meal has a (1) protein, (2) quality carb (whole grain, for example), and a (3) fruit/vegetable.  So, breakfast would be something like eggs (protein), plain oatmeal (good carb), and blueberries (fruit). 

You’re looking to at least supplement (if not making replacements) your diet with whole, clean, real foods that haven’t been processed or had any chemicals or hormones added.  The protein situation gets a little more difficult if you’re a vegetarian like me, but there are tons of protein sources.  Same goes for the vivacious vegans out there.  Luckily, nutritious, whole foods are available to just about everyone, regardless of diet or disposable income.  You don’t have to go fancy, exotic, or organic. Just eat things that are found in nature.

I’m also a believer in juicing vegetables for a boost anytime throughout the day.  I love Blueprint Cleanse juices too, ladies, but while they are high-quality and delicious, they have a ton of sugar in each one.  I have a juicer, and it was a wonderful investment.  I make a simple green juice with romaine, cucumber, lemon, and ginger.  If you’re not into juices or things like kale smoothies, you’ll have to get used to the taste. It's worth it.

Eating throughout the day keeps your metabolism up, and it keeps your hunger at bay.  I’ve always felt my best when I’ve eaten a little bit every few hours.  The key with that strategy is eating a little bit.

For exercise, there’s nothing complicated here.  You need to get in at least 30 minutes of cardio 5 days a week, and 1-2 sessions of strength training.  The quickest and most interesting way to make cardio progress is with interval training.  This is where you vary your workout intensity.  For example, walk 1 minute, run 1:30 and repeat for the workout duration.  Strength training can be with free weights, resistance bands, on machines, using your own body weight, or with foam weights in the pool.  Strength training is important for two good reasons: (1) you get lean and lovely and (2) more muscle leads to a better metabolism.

Now, tomorrow morning begins my practicing what I preach.  Form a prayer circle for me.