Teacher, Mother, Secret Lover

So, I’m just sitting here, eating Cheerios from a baggie, toddler-style, and completing two year’s worth of online education in a few hours to renew my fitness instructor certification before it expires tonight.  I prefer to call it efficiency rather than procrastination.  The only other choice for renewal is retaking the initial certification test on physiology, biology, body parts, and whatnot.  I think we all know that’s not happening when I can just sit here with Cheerios and read PDFs of nonsense and take online quizzes set at a 3^rd grade reading level.  Will it really make me a more qualified instructor if I read three pages on obese fitness participants and their potential to drop out of exercise programs?  Did you know that being sedentary leads to weight gain which leads to disease and morbidity? Of course you did.  We all do. 

Forced education - like K-12, continuing education, professional training, and the safety demonstration before a flight – serves a purpose by getting us all on the same common sense page.  But what about education on the things that really matter to us? Things like ancient aliens, gypsy weddings, hillbillies, Amish people, and dealing with not knowing we’re pregnant.  Nothing sparks discussion in our household like TV shows that take the pulse of America.  We were watching TV last night, and a commercial came on for Abby and Brittany.  I heard Eric whisper, “So many questions,” as his eyes glazed over in deep thought. 

This information we learn from TV sticks with us better than anything from school.  I have been proven not to be smarter than a 5^th grader too many times for my liking. But, thanks to TV, I can consider myself essentially an expert on the paranormal because I’ve watched Ghost Hunters - domestic and international versions, Paranormal State, Ghost Bros, and Haunted Collector.  Without this televised education, I’d never be able to haughtily point out that entities feed on electromagnetic energy, like from air purifiers.  I can also put together information now, like gypsy brides are really just grown up glitz pageant girls and ancient aliens could have put the whole Amish faith system in effect when they landed during ancient times.

G.I. Joe once advised that knowing is half the battle.  Thanks to “The Learning Channel” and other cable classrooms, I’m full of knowledge and armed for whatever battle may come up.  Like trivia night at the bar.